


Karezi in Love

by laughablyunimportant



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crossdressing, F/M, Kissing, Underage Kissing, black-flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-10
Updated: 2012-06-10
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6618223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughablyunimportant/pseuds/laughablyunimportant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Accepting Dave's dating advice might be the worst mistake Karkat has ever made.</p><p>(And that's saying something.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karezi in Love

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this to tumblr. In someone's askbox I think! Now that Homestuck is over, I'm going back and posting all my scraps and backdating them to when I _think _I originally wrote them.__
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> _So, hope you enjoy!_  
>  _

"This is stupid." 

Dave tilted the hat perched atop Karkat's head until the lace tumbling off the brim sat just right. "Notice how you're the focus of this little exercise in dress-up? No shit it's stupid." 

Karkat bared his teeth, going to jerk away when he was stopped by Dave's hands clamping down on his shoulders, holding him in place. "Hold up Romeo, you're not sabotaging all my work before we give the patented Strider method a chance to get the bow-chicka-bow-wow going. Don't get mad, get swag."

Karkat's brow furrowed in a glare, nervous energy making him flex and relax his muscles, but he stayed in place. "This is stupid," he repeated. "Because it's being directed by a self-centered fuckwad who's sense of ego is so large it sunk in on itself and created a black hole, warping space around him to create the very unique effect of pulling his head so far up his waste-shoot that he spews forth verbal bullshit from his puckered asshole." 

Dave ignored him, tying off one last bow with a little smirk. "There," he said. "My finest work of art. Now stay here and don't mess with anything while I go find 'rezi."

"It's Terezi," Karkat growled, but Dave had already flashed away. It didn't stop him from muttering, "You don't get to give her a nickname" to an empty room.

He blew out a breath, feeling hot and itchy under all his frills and lace, fretting again on whether or not this was some kind of prank, despite being assured by Strider that that was "Egbert's gig." 

He was in a dress so short it'd show off the satin panties Strider insisted were "part of the package deal" if he bent over, covered in a pound of bows and lace, with some weird sheer material stretched over his legs (like socks trying too hard to be pants and just _not quite making it_ , god he hated clothing trying to serve as other articles of clothing, what was the _point_ in that) and a hat he was certain only advanced human ladies wore sitting on his head. 

He'd flat-out refused the heels, no matter how much things just "weren't the same" without them. His legs were wobbly enough without the added inch of accident-waiting-to-happen strapped to his feet. 

But the red, jesus fuck, the _red_. It's like an insane children's cartoon character stumbled into his respite-block and vomited rainbows and candy and magic all over him, except purple, blue, green, yellow, and orange were all out of stock. He was dripping with red, "lousy with it," Dave had snickered, and even if everyone on this godsforsaken-rock already knew the color of his blood, it was unnerving as fuck to be decked out in it like this, like hanging a big sign around his neck that said "CULL ME, BECAUSE I'M OBVIOUSLY TOO STUPID TO LIVE."

There was no way this was going to work.

He was just about to reach up and rip off his ridiculous hat when he heard around the corner, "—I swear, you'd think you'd slow down a little since I'm the one supposed to be guiding you and all, we've got plenty of time, I should know, sort of my area of expertise here, out of the many areas I'm expert at that one's like, top of the list, big dog reigning over the rest of the pile, looking down on all my other interests all 'you guys are all right, but you ain't got shit on the things this guy knows about time,' rezi, are you even listening to me?"

The white noise that constantly fell out of Dave's flapping jaw stopped, but Karkat couldn't be bothered to address the human. His mouth had gone dry, hands fisting in the material of his dress, breathing forced out slow-and-steady as he watched the girl who had come in with Strider, waiting for Terezi's reaction.

Her first words were, "I smell red." Something anxious pulled inside him, and he had to forcibly remind himself that she didn't mean that in an accusatory way, she wasn't sniffing out his blood to select him as an undesirable, ready for trial on sight and execution soon after, she was just sniffing out his damned _dress_. (This is why it would never work, this is why he couldn't fit her in a stupid quadrant, he was too damned _scared_ of what he was to feel safe around her, wasn't that the sorriest excuse for empty quadrants he'd ever heard.)

But Strider had said to keep things short (like the blugelicker ever took his own advice), and that, at least was something to cling to: this was going to go up in flames, there was no doubt about it, but if he followed Strider's advice to the letter, at least he'd have someone to yell at about it later (someone other than himself, that is). 

"It's for you," he says, and her head picks up, just that little bit, when he ends it there, like she's hearing more in the silence. A few feet back Dave nods to himself, exiting like somehow he planned this, and well, okay he did, but he is way too smug for his own good, someone please just break his glasses with a fist to the face already. 

Terezi doesn't follow him, though she must know he's left, just cocks her head to the side and says, "Karkles? What _are_ you wearing?"

He thinks about yelling at her, about yelling that Dave shoved him into this monstrosity, that his past self is an idiot, that future him and future Terezi will have a good laugh about this but right now he's just going to quietly jump in a fire until this travesty falls into ash around him.

Oh wait, did he say think? He meant, actually said it all out loud just now, and now Terezi's flashing that grin at him, the one full of sharp teeth and danger and no, no she is not going to kill him and shut up bloodpusher, stop being so confused about when to be afraid and when to be aroused and _especially_ when to be both. 

She steps forward, and it takes every ounce of backbone and leader in him to not back up, letting her questing hands latch onto satin-smooth ribbons. She says, "It smells _delicious_ ," and then she licks him. 

Not the dress. Him.

He blushes hard, and she licks him again with a high-pitched giggle, and that's enough to break his backbone and make him take a step back, except he's full of garish unbalanced clothes and he topples over instead, Terezi tipping over too and seeming to ride him down for the hell of it. He lands on his ass with a _thump_ , dress billowed around him ridiculously and hat somehow still perched on his head. He feels ridiculous. He looks ridiculous. He is absolutely ridiculous.

Terezi leans forward into his lap, somehow having managed to fall with poise to her knees, to brace her hands on his legs and close the distance between them until he can feel her breath tickle across his skin, heavy with the scent of chalk, when she says, "Watch where you're going; I'm blind, you know."

It melts his blood-pusher, makes it beat too fast even as warmth blossoms in his chest, and he thinks, _I'm fucking pathetic_.

Suddenly, he realizes that might have been the point. Fuck, Strider really did know what he was doing, forcing Karkat into a situation that showcased exactly what a miserable, pitiable fuck he was. He'd have to maybe not punch the human's face in after all.

He shoved that thought away for later. For now…"Sorry," he muttered. "This is probably a stupid idea." He wasn't talking about the dress. He was talking about the next part, the part where he leaned in and kissed her.

Terezi would have disagreed, but her mouth was a little occupied.


End file.
